I’m only 19 years old. And yet, I feel as if I have to accomplish so much. There’s a great sense of apprehension that I feel because why is there this insurmountable pressure to do everything and plan the entirety of my life right now?
I want to experience so much. I want to travel the world, create memories that I will never forget and look back on with so much warmth and love, and meet so many new people to make all these wonderful connections with. But there’s this nagging voice that’s constantly at the forefront of my mind to get that internship, maintain those grades and create a successful career for myself. Of course I know that’s important, especially during this time where it’s so inexplicably easy to get lost in between the cracks. But I also just want to forget all these bleak responsibilities and live a beautiful and fulfilling life without the burden of these expectations.
I want to create a collection of trinkets and pottery that are souvenirs of the globe or even things that look so absolutely stupid and derpy that serve legitimately no purpose. I want them hidden all around my future home, like if you look in stored away toilet paper rolls there’s just some calico critter or smiski in there (this is actually something my brother and I talk about all the time, specifically with the smiskis lol).
And I will. Just you wait 😚
When I invite you over for dinner to catch up after all these years, you’re going to be walking around my home, and over at my beautiful and whimsical spice rack that has the gorgeous Lenox spice apartments, you’ll see a quaint beaded pufferfish or a glamorous Skullpanda perched on it. And over in my stunning richly colored cabinets, you’ll see beautifully speckled and glazed plates and mugs.
I realize that this dream must sound so incredibly naive. But also … I am only 19 years old. I’ve literally lived less than two decades. Like that’s so crazy to me because, if I’m lucky, I still have close to 60 years left in my life. My brain hasn’t even fully developed yet. We still have so much time.
However, I also know that all this time we have really isn’t that much. It would be foolish of me to think that just because I’m only 19 and still have my whole life ahead of me means that I can fool around and that things will just come to me eventually. There are so many definitions of success, and none of those definitions will occur out of passivity. I still have to work my ass off to make sure I can live the life I want to achieve. And I can’t wait to see the outcomes of my hard work. I hope that in the end, I make the most of my time here in college and I’m able to take advantage of all the opportunities that come my way, so eventually, when I’m in my dream home, I can fill it to my heart’s content with the cutest and most impractical baubles and pottery known to mankind.
Ellie Kim
Copy Editor
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