Asian Outlook | Art and Literary Magazine

When I turned 19, I wrote a list of things I wanted to accomplish and the kinds of lessons I wanted to learn by age 20. I have less than six months left, time keeps passing, but I don’t feel any closer to the person I was supposed to be. I’m losing more certainty by the day, in the absence of any life changing revelations I thought I would have had by now.

But it’s alright I guess. There are some ways in which I’ve come to understand myself more that have made me realize I’d probably disappoint my freshly turned 19-year-old self. The deadlines I’ve set on my growth are, unfortunately, unrealistic. I’ve determined that I’ll make the small battles count, like choosing to be kinder to myself over big or small mistakes, or learning how to make things easier for myself when everything feels hard.

So I don’t have any real important knowledge to share at this point, but I’ve developed a system and some advice on the one thing that has stayed constant throughout every year of my life. When I find myself falling into cycles that make life seem impossible, it can help to slow things down and switch to something hands-on.

1. Freeze Cookie Dough for Quick Fixes on Seemingly Hopeless Nights
   1. Every night before a new semester, I make two giant batches of cookie dough. They’re scooped out into cookie-sized pieces to be kept in my freezer throughout the semester, and ready to go on nights when your packed schedule and workload is starting to make you feel like the future is bleak and you’re cooked beyond belief. Preheat the oven, take out a baking tray and your life might seem a little better in just about 20 minutes. I’ve got to stress that it must be homemade cookie dough though. Put time and good ingredients into it and you’ll have the perfect late night sweet tooth cure and a quick way to make your friends or roommates feel a little better on stressful days, without having to spend an hour measuring, mixing, and doing dishes. I love the “Best Chocolate Cookie Recipe” from the New York Times (buy the cake flour it’s worth it).

2. Buy a Kitchen Scale
   1. This one is quite short and simple. I hate doing dishes. Measuring cups are just another thing that’s gonna sit in my sink, staring back at me when I get to the end of the recipe. Buy a kitchen scale to weigh all your wet and dry ingredients in one go without worrying about losing any small pieces. It also can be more accurate too, so you can feel like you’re in a professional bakery for a while in that small dorm kitchen. You can probably find cheap ones in grocery stores or on Amazon.

3. Bake During Your Study Breaks
   1. Have you seen the TikTok trend of studying until your ice melts or your butter softens? During finals week, one of the only motivators for me to finish my papers was getting to work on the cake I was making. I’ve also been trying to reconnect with some of the things that used to give me small boosts of dopamine, the short-term hyperfixations on different crafts like bookbinding or bracelet making. I try my hardest to avoid doomscrolling between assignments and pick up a pen or a book instead. At least when you’re procrastinating, you’ll have a finished product and an external sense of accomplishment outside of finishing a paper to keep you motivated. Depending on how your Google Calendar looks, try to throw in some forms of short-term gratification when you can, to find fulfillment outside of your school or work checklist. I would also say it’s better to crash out over a failed recipe than the impending deadlines or job market.

I feel that baking is the closest manifestation of all the progress and advancement I’ve made. From standing on a kitchen stool helping my grandpa beat eggs, to watching videos from Tasty or Bon Appetit to mimic recipes or techniques in my home kitchen, I’ve made cakes, madeleines and macarons, tested baking times, ingredient substitutions and different flavor combinations.

I’ve done all of this to level up my creativity and skill, and to provide strangers, friends, and family a little bit of joy. In truth, though, I’m not that altruistic, they’re simply my lucky test subjects, helping me develop skills or spend time on a hobby that gives me clarity at the end of the day. I’m trying to reframe my mindset so I can spend time baking or sewing knowing that I’m not avoiding responsibilities or wasting time. I’m turning restless energy into something tangible when I lose sight of my goals and my efforts seem fruitless.

Halfway to 20, I’m certainly not going to magically transform into someone else in half a year, but hey, I have A LOT of cookie dough in my freezer.

Madison Lee

Event Coordinator

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